January 06, 2009

They Love Me, They Love Me Not...

...They Love Me, They Love Me Not...

I'm having one of my bad days today, it sucks.
I just want to go back to bed and sleep.
It sucks. I'm so sick of this mess called my life.
I hate myself a bit for accepting it for what it is.
I hate that I'm not selfish enough to end this shitty life.
I never will end it, suicide is selfish and I'm not selfish !!
I will fight until I die a natural death. For them, it's all for them.

I'm going to isolate myself from the world today.
It usually helps even if it shouldn't.
Because during that time in solitude everything
just feels so amazing and bright, I feel happy.
Because I don't have to worry that they'll see how I
really feel about my life, myself and so many other thing.
I don't have to worry about breaking
down in tears in front of someone.
I don't have to smile a fake smile, it hurts so much inside doing that.
I love my solitude, I need it to survive.

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